So after i breakup with this asshole douche-canoe of a guy im currently dating im just not going to date for like a year unless of course my ex that i really haven’t gotten over asks me back out since everyone knows we both still have huge feelings for each other and we both really regret the breakup.

Color Guard tryouts are freaking kicking my ass and the actual tryouts arent untill freaking Tuesday. Ooh wish me luck you guys because im nervous as heck and i still dont have our full routine down yet.

I really want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.

We stopped checking for monsters under our beds when we realized they were in our heads.

I’ve been trying to stay strong really i have but hounestly what’s the point?

The minutes slowly tick by
As i sit here in this room
Surrounded by drab
Emotionalless gray walls
Talking about things
That I’ve made up
hours before coming
To sit here
As i tell my lies
i think about the prescriptions
How they have a suicide note
That seems to be attached
Even though they’re supposed
to make me feel normal
Like a part of society
but i feel even more abnormal
so incredibly out of control
Over everything
Like I’ve completely lost control
Giving it all to the pills
But what if i stopped taking them
Would i feel less abnormal
And even more out of complete and
utter control like everything is
Falling to prices while
everything countues normally
Everywhere around me
Or would i feel like time has
Temporarily stopped and
Given me a pass a way out
so to speak.
I think as i answer another
mandatory clinical question.

Its just been an emotional rollercoaster today. Mainly because of my bgf and my ex-bff and the drama with both of them. Then to make the rollercoaster of emotions worst my bgf got into a 4wheeler accident tonight and flipped the 4wheeler and then texted me being really sweet and stuff and nearly had me in tears. Its just been a crazy day as a whole.

Today was interesting to say the least.

Last night was just emotionally draining in a lot of ways. The main thing being that I had to talk two people out of suicide. One being my best friend and the other being my friend that is having hell since he came out as gay. My best friends only friend here is me and hes having a hard time dealing with my friends never easing up on the shit that they say to him. Especially about me and him being a thing. I love him to death, hes my very best friend, and i am still telling him today that i love him more then anything in the world and i am reminding him that he is loved and I hope that I can some how manage to get through to him and convince him that nothing is worth killing yourself over no matter how hard things are now things will get better. I told both of my friends last night that they are my light, they are the reason I get out of bed every morning, and i love them something ferious. I begged them not to get up because things always have to get worst before they can be absolutely amazing and that once things started getting better they are going to be so incredibly glad that at their lowest point they didn’t give up. I just hope me being there for them helped and that they listen and realize that they have somebody that cares about them so incredibly much.